Cuz Two Out Of Three Ain’t Bad

I want nothing more than to hide away and lick my wounds. To brood and mourn the race that was. The race that was not the one I wanted. The race that was not the one I worked so hard for. The race that was not the one I dreamed about.

Honestly I have no idea went wrong. I felt strong throughout. I passed a ton of people and moved up considerably in the standings in the second half. And somehow I still fell short. Moreover, Sportstats timing has my gun and chip times as the same, making me look even slower! Talk about adding insult to injury.

All this to say I’m not feeling too great right now.

I’d love to hide and sulk. But I can’t. Because no matter how crummy I feel right now, I look into D’s eyes and I can’t. I read the messages of support from my friends and I can’t. And I think of all the wonderful experiences and people —  like you my esteemed reader — that running has brought into my life and I can’t.

Personal bests are incredible. But love and friendship are even more so. So if I had to choose one of the three to live without, well I’d be left with what I have at this very moment.

Plus a pair of very tight legs.

So tomorrow I will run again. Just like I will the day after that. And the day after that. And maybe, just maybe, one day I will have that dream race.

Epilogue: After having some cake on my balcony (I’m catching up to you NT) I took a look at my race today and my PB which was set on the same course 3 years ago. It turns out that in 2012 I ran 42.39 km’s, while today I ran 42.84 km’s. But on each occasion, my average pace was the exact same 5:11 per km. It’s a bit of solace. I must have taken a few turns wider and/or dodged around more runners today to account for the extra 450 metres.

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11 comments

  1. Sorry to hear that the race didn’t go as you had hoped. I myself suffered the pain of my first ever DNF last night for my A race this season. Six months of hard work and hypothermia killed my big dream. The 35km ride back to the starting village in the ambulance was psychologically harder than the almost 50km I had run by that point. 😢
    But I am still alive. And I will nail that thing one day.

    1. I’m so sorry NT. I think we totally get each other right now. Well we probably always have 😃

      I know how hard you worked. And I know you WILL nail that race.

      In the meantime, 2 things:

      1. How are you?
      2. We need cake.

      1. Thanks Rod. I am fine, just very disappointed how things turned out. I have trained in the Australian summer heat, the humidity of Singapore and the winter in Europe. I have done my runs morning, afternoon and night. I sacrificed alcohol and tried to feed my body to maximise performance. I followed all racing rules to the letter. I was mentally strong and didn’t want to quit. But 7h in nonstop rain through 50km of mud and puddles at 10°C… I guess a 47kg body has its limits on heat preservation. The only lesson I take out of this is in ultras, you can toe the line 100% and it’s still no guarantee that you will finish unless luck is on your side too.

      2. I hear you. We could all use a bit of luck for sure. But it is frustrating to not be able to control for that. I guess we can both take some comfort in knowing we did the best we could both in our preparations and in our races.

      3. That’s exactly what kills me. I can’t regret anything at all, since I did my best. But it wasn’t enough. Anyway, you are right and I will stop ruminating on the race until I can objectively evaluate it without emotional turmoil.

      4. By the way, if you haven’t already got the cake you’re lagging behind me on that. I have already stuffed my face with chocolate croissants, brioche, far breton, kouign amman, baklava and butter cookies. Plus wine and whisky. I am making up for lost time, and drowning my sorrows. It actually works.

      5. I’m glad. You deserve it! We both do 😃

        Not sure if you saw my epilogue that I just included in this post, but after having some cake I calmed down enough to analyze today’s race and compare it to the PB I set 3 years ago on the same course. I somehow ran longer today than I did back then, accounting for the time differential. But on both days, my average pace was the exact same.

  2. I am so sorry that this happened after all the hard work and effort. I looked up your finish time… you were very close (which likely makes it sting even more). To me, whether or not you got a PB today really doesn’t matter. You are still the inspiration that I look to when I do not have the motivation or energy to train. You are also the dear friend that I can turn to when I am struggling. Today’s pain will pass. What you keep is the increased health and fitness that we entered this sport to achieve. PB’s and podiums and BQ are all distractions (or motivations) towards that ultimate goal. Good health, enjoying the run, and running simply because we can. All your hard work this past winter has made you fitter and stronger. Do not lose sight of that. Today changes nothing for me…since you will always inspire me. I am certain that I am not alone in feeling that way…

    1. Thanks Raymond. I’m very touched and flattered by your comment. In part because I felt somehow fraudulent or imposter-ish for not being able to deliver in the race. In part because I thought I’d be letting people down whose opinions of me I really do care about.

      I will always remember how awesome it was meeting you after your triathlon in Muskoka and have always been grateful for our friendship.

      Thanks Raymond! And congratulations to you for successfully racing the 5km and marathon on back to back days this weekend!!!!!!!!

  3. great attitude…what do they always say. If it weren’t for the bad runs we wouldn’t know how good the good runs are.

    1. Context is everything isn’t it? 😃

      Here’s to us all enjoying more of the good, in all aspects of life!

      Thanks for reading, liking, and commenting!

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